


Rise to the Fall and into the Void Before Resolution Comes

by fingerprintbruises



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Infidelity (Not A/M), Intoxication, M/M, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 18:14:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fingerprintbruises/pseuds/fingerprintbruises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin finds that what he wants, isn't what he wanted at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rise to the Fall and into the Void Before Resolution Comes

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I posted this pretty much very late (midterms are kicking my butt), so I wish I could have written more. I tried to stick to the prompt as much as possible, so I hope OP enjoys. Thanks to emjayelle for running such wonderful fest :)

**The Rise**

Arthur is a bully of a seven year old, kicking footballs at smaller children and pushing them over when they’re in his way. His actions are cries of attention, but the one who needs to see it most is never there and won’t see it for himself for years to come.

Merlin is the first to stand up to him. Five years old and barely able to count past 30, Merlin throws all his toy cars at the older boy when he comes trampling into his play space and messing up his trails on the grass. Arthur retaliates by picking up the same pieces and throwing them back. The cars soon get replaced by body parts as Merlin flings himself at the taller boy and grapples him to the ground.

The fight is soon broken up by Merlin’s mother who tugs at her son’s arms and wraps an arm around his waist in order to haul him back from the taller boy.

“Merlin, stop it. Now,” Hunith says sternly, holding Merlin tight to her body.

Merlin squirms. “But Mummy!”

“No ‘but’s Merlin. Now say you’re sorry.”

“Sorry,” Merlin grumbles to the ground instead of the boy still sprawled on the floor.

Sighing, Hunith leans over and kisses the top of her son’s head. She then turns to Arthur who seems to stare at them in a daze. “Are you alright, sweetie?”

The expression on Arthur’s face changes from slight awe to blank in a blink of an eye. “I’m fine,” Arthur mumbles as he stands up and starts dusting himself off.

“What’s your name?”

Arthur curls his lips inward and bites on them. He eyes Hunith and Merlin warily before saying, “Arthur.”

Hunith smiles and thinks how fitting the name fits with her own son. “Where’re your parents?”

“Working.”

Hunith absentmindedly strokes Merlin’s hair as she stares at the young blond boy and frowns. “Who brought you here?” she asks instead and watches as Arthur toes the grass.

Arthur’s nose scrunches up and points to the right. “Catrina and her _boyfriend_.”

Following the direction Arthur points, Hunith spies two teenagers making out on one of the park benches. Immediately Hunith begins to understand and says, “Well, Arthur, how would you like to play with Merlin here? I’m sure he’d be more than happy to share his toys with you.”

“No, I don’t –”

“ _Merlin_ ,” Hunith admonishes when Merlin begins to protest, scowling up at his mother.

Merlin stares at Arthur for a moment, the blonde shuffling under his gaze. “Fine, but only if I get to be the blue car,” Merlin states petulantly.

Hunith smiles to herself and bends over to place a kiss on the crown of Merlin’s messy dark hair. She then looks up to see Arthur pouting at the ground and tugging at the hem of his shirt.

“How would you like to be the red car?” Hunith asks and gently nudges Merlin forward. With the silent permission, Merlin kneels back onto the floor and begins to grab the cars from where they had scattered earlier in their tussle. Arthur watches with a critical eye.

Merlin picks up the red car and seems to contemplate it for a moment before slowly holding it out for Arthur to take. After a few seconds, Arthur slowly grabs the red car from Merlin and sits on the grass in front of the smaller boy. Arthur seems to be reluctant to play along as Merlin babbles on about the object of the game, but after a minute, he gets into racing the cars around imaginary turns and jumps.

Neither of the boys notice when Hunith leave them to talk to Catrina. And neither notice when Huntih stops by Arthur’s house to get acquainted with Arthur’s father, letting the boys tire themselves out by attempting to play football in the garden. And neither notice when suddenly every day of summer and time spent out of school is spent together.

Before they know it, they’re losing teeth and growing up into awkward limbs. Arthur tugs at Merlin’s ear just as much Merlin enjoys calling Arthur a tosser when he learns new insults. Both gain friends of their own, but are still thick as thieves, regardless of the age difference.

-

Despite what most people think, Merlin is the one who instigates their first kiss. Thirteen years old and finding no one better looking than his best friend was worrisome, but Merlin had time to come to grips that his best friend would always be the one for him.

It hadn’t always started out as an Arthur-centric infatuation. Merlin had grown up finding his eye drifting more towards other boys’ forearms, their jawlines, their arses, and their shoulders. He never thought anything of it until his friend Will began talking about a girl’s tits and found that it did nothing for him. The vague notions that he had of sex interested his prick when there was another one next to it, not his face smooshed between two squishy breasts that felt awkward pressed up against his chest whenever a girl hugged him. Merlin never thought to question it, but he never told anyone about it either.

Merlin is twelve when he realizes that Arthur is sort of gorgeous. Arthur is fourteen and going through his first growth spurt, and the length of his gangly arms dictate the height that he’s going to grow into. Merlin can’t help but admire his wonky teeth and awkward hair cut his father made him get. His skin tingles whenever Arthur brushes against him or grabs him and his heart feels like it’s about to burst when Arthur gives him those award winning smiles.

Half a year later, half a year of trying his hardest to keep his raging hormones in check and blushes down to a minimum, Merlin cracks.

It’s raining the first time Merlin kisses Arthur.

Arthur is chasing Merlin down the street towards his house in the rain. Merlin curses as he pounds into another poorly placed puddle and almost falls over. Arthur laughs behind him and calls Merlin an idiot for a third time that day. Merlin raises two fingers over his head at the blond and runs up the drive to his house. He collapses against the wooden door and begins to laugh.

“You absolute idiot,” Arthur grins as he hops onto the porch and bends over to clutch his knees.

“Well you shouldn’t have,” Merlins pants, “stolen all my pencils.”

“And you shouldn’t have – written Arthur loves Vivan – all over my notebook.”

Merlin cackles to himself at the memory. “I can’t believe she saw that.”

“She’s batshit insane – and now she thinks I like her. Thanks a lot, Merlin.”

Merlin merely grins in response. He watches with avid eyes as Arthur straightens up and slumps against the wall next to him. His eyes trail over the water droplets that trail from his jaw down his throat and his grin begins to slip from his face. The green shirt that Arthur is wearing is soaked and sticking to Arthur’s chest. Merlin’s heart becomes lodged in his throat.

He must have been staring for a while because he looks up at the sound of his name to see Arthur looking at him oddly. Arthur’s cheeks are flushed, from the exertion or from Merlin’s staring, he can’t tell, but Merlin can tell Arthur feels uncomfortable from the way he shuffles his feet.

Lately Merlin had been catching Arthur looking at him strangely or looking away quickly if they held eye contact for too long and blushing. Merlin wasn’t knowledgeable enough to know what all this meant, but he has a funny feeling that his fancy isn’t completely once sided.

Suddenly feeling brave, whether from actually bravery or the adrenaline still rushing in his system, Merlin takes a step into Arthur’s space. He’s smiles faintly to himself when Arthur doesn’t step away, but watches him a wary and widening eyes. Merlin, still shorter than Arthur, rests a hand on Arthur’s shoulder to steady himself and goes for it. He clumsily presses his lips to Arthur’s, not closing his eyes, and quickly pulls away, completing his first kiss and Arthur’s too, since he would have heard Arthur gloating if it had happened.

Arthur stares at Merlin with wide eyes as Merlin’s heart races in his chest, his lips tingling from where they were pressed up against Arthur’s seconds before. Merlin watches as Arthur brings a hand to his lips.

“Did you just…” Arthur trails off.

Merlin’s heart begins to sink every word and second that passes that Arthur doesn’t react. He nods as he wets his lips and swallows heavily. Arthur’s eyes don’t miss a beat of it.

“I didn’t…you don’t… _shit_ ,” Arthur mutters to himself before swooping in for another kiss, catching Merlin by surprise who flails from the force and promptly melts.

The kiss is sloppy and ungainly because neither boy knows exactly what they’re doing. Merlin giggles when their noses bump harshly and Arthur grunts when Merlin clacks their teeth together.

It isn’t perfect. But it’s theirs.

-

Merlin enjoys entwining their fingers together. Arthur’s a little thicker, Merlin’s a touch longer.

Merlin enjoys sneaking kisses behind the canteen at their school like they’re having some sort of secret affair even though their friends already know that they’re together.

He enjoys when Arthur is thoughtful and brings him a box of his favorite chocolate biscuits just because.

Arthur smiles and jokes with Merlin like he did before, but now he leaves little touches to Merlin’s wrist and places kisses on Merlin’s cheek when they’re in company.

Everyday feels like he’s living in bliss. He’s on cloud nine and he’s never coming down.

-

They take their time getting to know each other’s bodies. Merlin learns that a scrape of teeth across Arthur’s nipple causes the blond’s hips to jerk forward. Arthur learns that paying attention to Merlin’s ears sends him into a shuddery mess.

After almost a year of wandering hands and mouths while wrapped up in each other’s rooms or on the couch if their parents were gone, they unconsciously go a step further, just knowing that the time is right without even speaking about it. It is a long process full of whispered words, teasing fingers, laughter, and hitched breathing.

Merlin is splayed under Arthur, his pale skin contrasting against the red of Arthur’s sheets. They both had come once already, and although their recovery times are quick, the edge has already been dulled to the point where these touches were more controlled and intent.

Merlin’s cheeks are pink as Arthur’s fingers continue to gently open him up. They had gotten off with fingers before, but never with the intention of preparation.

Arthur talks him through the nerves even though Merlin can tell he is nervous as well. He keeps pressing his lips to every inch of skin he can in an effort to help Merlin relax. Merlin is not so sure if it’s helping.

“I’m ready,” Merlin says as he nudges Arthur’s shoulders.

“No you’re not.”

Arthur crooks his fingers and Merlin’s hips rise off the bed, his leaking cock beading at the tip again. “ _Fuck_ , Arthur.”

A beat passes and Arthur continues to leisurely move his fingers inside Merlin.

“Arthur, if you aren’t inside me soon, I’m withholding sex for a month,” Merlin threatens with labored breathing.

Arthur chuckles and Merlin can feel the vibrations in his thigh where the blond had rest his head.

“Like you could last that long,” Arthur teases. He leans forward and sucks on Merlin’s balls as he extracts his fingers. Merlin whines with the loss and sensation of Arthur’s mouth.

“I so could, you’re the one who jumps me most of the time.”

Merlin watches as Arthur grabs a condom from the night stand and fumbles it open. Merlin smiles to himself as the condom slips out of Arthur’s hands. Grabbing the condom from the bed before Arthur can, Merlin sits up and slowly rolls it down Arthur’s length. He jacks Arthur off slowly with loose fingers and stares at how Arthur’s breathing quickens with each stroke. As Arthur bats his hand away and shuffles between Merlin’s open thighs, the nerves come back full force.

With shaky hands, Merlin lies back down and takes a deep breath.

Arthur moves closer to Merlin and grabs onto his hips. His hands rub soothing circles as he quietly asks, “Ready?”

Merlin nods slowly as Arthur smiles at him. Guiding himself forward, Arthur presses the tip of his cock against Merlin’s hole. Merlin tries his best to relax himself when he feels Arthur begin to slowly push past the rim and stretches him further than fingers ever could. His breathing gets heavy as he waits out the burn.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” Merlin babbles.

The burn is still there when Arthur bottoms out and his erection seems to have flagged with it. Leaning down slowly, Arthur kisses Merlin in distraction and wraps a hand around Merlin’s dick. Merlin gasps into the familiar taste of Arthur’s mouth as their tongues curl around one another and his hips move with each stroke Arthur makes.

Soon Arthur begins to move in tandem with the movement of Merlin’s hips and the burn that was there before has melted away into pleasure that flows to every inch of Merlin’s body. Arthur lets go of Merlin and holds onto Merlin’s hips in order to steady himself.

The pace increases and the boys breathe into each other’s mouths, saying expletives on every other thrust. The noise of skin slipping skin fills the room, but Merlin can only concentrate on the feel of Arthur moving in him brushing up against the spot that makes him lose his breath and his eyes roll back. He’s in ecstasy.

“I’m gonna come,” Arthur gasps.

Merlin grabs his cock that had been neglected, but leaking against his stomach. He pulls himself off on the words that spill from his boyfriend’s mouth. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Fuck, I’m gonna –”

Arthur buries his face in Merlin’s neck as his hips thrust hard into Merlin before stuttering to a stop, and Merlin feels him pulsing within him. Merlin noses against the side of Arthur’s face when Arthur stills, feeling the sweat that gathered there, but not caring that it’s getting on him. Arthur lazily turns his head and captures Merlin’s lips into a kiss.

Merlin pants into Arthur’s mouth when Arthur’s hand joins his own and quickly brings Merlin to the completion he’s seeking. Merlin’s back bows, his hole squeezing around Arthur’s softening prick causing him to hiss. Merlin’s breathing is heavy as the orgasm rolls through him.

Arthur places kisses along Merlin’s long neck and nips at Merlin’s ear. Merlin makes as noise at that and winces slightly when Arthur finally pulls out.

Melting into the mattress, Merlin watches with heavy eyes as Arthur takes off the condom and throws it in the trashcan by his desk. Arthur sinks down next to Merlin and lays his head on Merlin’s bony chest, listening to the thudding of Merlin’s heart.

-

Merlin slowly traces the bridge of Arthur’s nose with his index finger.

Arthur squints one eye to look at Merlin. “What’re you doing, you weirdo?”

Snorting, Merlin rests his chin on Arthur’s chest, feeling his boyfriend’s ribs expanding with every breath he takes. The grass is prickly against his arm and pokes at him through his clothes.

Merlin smiles to himself when he sees Arthur’s hair shining and his skin golden in the sun. Merlin doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

He doesn’t like to think about the future. The future where Arthur leaves Merlin to go off to university and meet new people, try new things. Merlin has seen the movies, although most of them were the trashy American Pie type films, but he knows the general idea of what happens. Merlin would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a little bit curious about being a part of university life when he gets there. But he knows he’d only be comfortable with Arthur by his side.

“You’re doing political science, right?” Merlin asks, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah,” Arthur replies.

“Becoming a lawyer and all that.”

“Mhmm.”

“Are you…” Merlin pauses and bites his lip.

This grabs Arthur’s attention who opens his eyes and sits up on his elbows causing Merlin to roll off onto the side. Merlin props himself up on one arm.

“What, Merlin?” Arthur gently asks.

“You’re not going to leave me right?” Merlin answers hesitantly his voice small and voicing his worst fears.

“No,” Arthur says vehemently. He shifts to one arm to raise the other to Merlin’s cheek. Arthur rubs his thumb against Merlin’s sharp cheekbone. “Why would you even think that?”

Merlin looks down, dislodging Arthur’s hand, and shrugs.

Arthur tips his chin up. “Talk to me.”

“I just…you know you’re going off to university and everyone’s going to be new. And you’re going to go to parties and meet some really cute boys that’ll drop to their knees for you in a second. And I’m scared that you’re going to forget about me, or I’ll become that nagging boyfriend who always wants to know what you’re doing every minute of the day –”

“Merlin, stop it,” Arthur demands. His gaze is sharp upon Merlin’s sheepish expression. “I’ve been with you for three years. If I wanted to be with someone else, I would’ve by now, but I want you, and only you. I’ll come back whenever I can, and you can take the train, it’s only an hour ride. We’ll call each other every day if only to say goodnight, but I’m not going to let you go just because I’ve met some new people alright? And besides I don’t think I’ll be going to parties, so you won’t have to worry about that.”

Merlin smiles faintly at Arthur’s words. They soothed him, but he is not sure how he’ll be feeling one the day arrives that Arthur moves in.

“I love you,” Arthur states seriously. “Don’t forget that.”

The words make Merlin grin. “I love you, too.”

-

They don’t talk every day on the phone, but they do text every day.

Arthur tells Merlin about his first and only drunken escapade with his new friend Percy and how he vows to never a drink again (which he doesn’t).

Arthur never complains about his workload, but Merlin can tell when he’s stressed over the phone by the strain of his voice.

One weekend a month Merlin spends his allowance money on a train ticket to Arthur and Arthur does the same to get back to Merlin. Arthur’s roommate, Valiant, was an arsehole to the tenth degree, but he thankfully wasn’t a homophobe. Though that didn’t mean he didn’t have problems with Merlin sleeping in the same bed as Arthur on the weekends Merlin came over.

It’s on the few trips to visit Arthur in the dorms that Merlin gets excited about uni. He sees the students milling about in each other’s rooms and sees the booze that gets secretly passed around. When they venture out into town, Merlin watches as boys and girls pack the pubs and wait in line at the clubs. He sees people stumbling together down the street and people drunkenly making out against the walls. 

And Merlin wants that experience.

-

“I’m in!” Merlin shouts into the phone as he jumps around his room.

Arthur chuckles on the other side of the line. “ _I told you you’d be a shoe in_.”

Merlin huffs, his hands still shaking the letter in his hand with the embossed seal and the word _accepted_ highlighted in Merlin’s mind. “Not everyone can have the same sort of confidence you do,” Merlin replies.

Again Arthur laughs. “ _I’m coming home this weekend_ ,” he says instead. “ _I’ll take you out to celebrate_.”

“Deal.”

-

“I don’t see why you don’t want to move in with me,” Arthur says with a sigh as he grabs another slice of pizza.

Merlin is tired of this conversation, tired of Arthur still being bitter about Merlin not wanting to live with him during his first year of university. “I told you I wanna dorm for the first year,” Merlin replies. He bites into his pizza and stares at the TV screen, feeling as though they were going around in circles on the same topic.

“Oh yeah, cause rooming with Valiant for a whole year was so much fun,” Arthur grumbles, his mouth full of food.

Merlin rolls his eyes. “Arthur, you know that I would love to move in with you, but –”

“You just want to have the full uni experience,” Arthur intones, effectively cutting the younger boy off. “I know, Merlin, you’ve only said like a million times already.”

While it was true that Merlin wants the full effect of living in a dorm, he is also scared to move in with Arthur. To live on his own without his mother there was enough of a worry, but to add on living with his boyfriend when they had very little experience of living in each other’s pockets made the concept frightening. He is scared that they wouldn’t be compatible living together.

“Then stop bringing it up,” Merlin bites back as he shuffles to the other side of the couch.

“Real mature.”

“Shut up.”

-

Merlin is a last minute packer. He shoves all his clothes haphazardly into a well worn suitcase and throws all his extra bedding into an empty trash bag. He runs around the house picking up last minute items; his phone charger, his razor, his desk lamp. A bag of food is left on the counter for him to take to school so he doesn’t starve, his mother being the only planner in the family apparently.

With the help of Will and Arthur, they quickly pack Hunith’s car with all of Merlin’s belongings. Merlin hugs Will goodbye, promising to keep in touch.

The ride to Camelot University goes by quicker than Merlin thought it would. Receiving his dorm keys and papers seems like a blur and picking which side of the room to spend the rest of the year with is a dream (his roommate Gilli, who he had contacted a few weeks prior, has yet to arrive).

All three of them unpack the car, the boys making multiple trips as Hunith makes the bed. When retrieving the last two boxes, Merlin and Arthur wish Hunith goodbye. His mother tears up slightly and cups Merlin’s cheeks.

“I’ll be home, annoying you before you know it,” Merlin whispers into his mother’s ear when he leans over to give her a proper hug.

Hunith smiles. “You’ll never be annoying. Come back whenever you can,” she says when Merlin pulls back.

Merlin nods and picks up the last bag full of hangers, Arthur carrying the last box. As they move away toward the dorms, Merlin looks back to his mother to see her wipe at her cheek and wave. Merlin smiles back and hangs his head. His chest pangs.

After climbing the four flights of stairs to Merlin’s room, Merlin tosses his bag in the closet and collapses on the bed.

“What the hell is in this?” Arthur pants as he practically drops the box on the floor. Slowly Arthur stands up and straightens his back.

Merlin grins from his sprawl on the bed. “Books, of course.”

“Oh, so you actually read?” Arthur grins, catching his breath. Arthur leans over and swipes opened the lid of the box. Yes, there are books, but there is also a printer and a small speaker system tucked underneath.

“Yeah, these are very crucial to your learning,” Arthur comments sarcastically as he lifts a speaker out of the box.

“Music is very important to my learning,” Merlin deadpans.

Arthur smirks. “I’m sure it is,” he replies as he began taking the speakers out of the box followed by the books and printer, stacking them all up on the table.

Looking over at Merlin who is watching him with a dopey smile on his face, Arthur sighs and flaps his arms at his sides. “Are you going to help me or are you just going to sit there on your arse all day? This shit isn’t even mine, you know.”

“I’ll put it away later,” Merlin says and begins shuffling closer to the wall. He pats the space he vacated. “Come on, lay down. Take a break.”

Arthur glances at the mess surrounding Merlin’s desk and the disaster of the closet and decides that cuddling up with his boyfriend was the better option of the two.

Sighing like it’s a hardship, Arthur moves over to the bed, slips off his shoes and lays down, letting Merlin curl up around him and press his forehead to the side of Arthur’s temple. Arthur wraps his arm around Merlin’s back and caresses the smooth skin of Merlin’s hip from where his shirt has ridden up.

“I think I might miss being home,” Merlin whispers.

Arthur runs his free hand through Merlin’s messy black hair. “Don’t worry; I can take you home whenever you need to. Or you can catch the train. We’re only an hour away,” Arthur soothes.

Merlin smiles. “Home seems so far. I don’t know how you came back all the time.”

The blond chuckles, “It’s all about organizing and planning ahead. Something you have yet to learn.”

“Shut up,” Merlin grumbles as he pinches the other boy’s side.

Arthur turns his head and plants a kiss on Merlin’s forehead. “When did you say your roommate was coming?”

“He said around two.”

Arthur glances at his watch which reads _1:13_. “About forty-five minutes then,” Arthur sighs. “We should put your stuff away before he gets here.”

Merlin hums for a few seconds. “How about,” Merlin whispers as he leans closer to Arthur’s throat, his breath puffing against Arthur’s skin. The boy presses his lips just below Arthur’s jaw. “We christen my bed –” another kiss further down his neck “–while we have the chance.”

Merlin shuffles down to attach his lips to Arthur’s exposed collarbone and grins to himself as Arthur’s breathing picks up and his grip tightens on Merlin’s hip.

“Merlin,” Arthur breathes as his eyelids fluttered shut. “He could get here –” he gasps as Merlin’s teeth scrapes across his clavicle “– before two you know.”

Merlin shifts over Arthur to straddle his thigh. Merlin circles his hips slowly, pressing his hardening cock against Arthur’s hip and feeling the beginnings of Arthur’s erection against his own.

“We’ll just have to be quick,” Merlin whispers as his face hovers over Arthur’s. Arthur only has enough time to lift his eyebrows disbelievingly before Merlin’s lips instantly press against his.

-

Merlin loves Arthur with his whole being. He likes to believe that they were made for each other and were lucky enough to find once another so early in life.

Arthur’s noble, but a bit of a prat. Merlin complements that by making sure Arthur’s nobleness doesn’t waver into naivety and keeps him in check from seeming like arsehole.

Merlin knows all about Arthur’s insecurities. How he wants to take over his father’s law firm and eventually open up his own non-profit practice. How he thinks his father blames him for his mother’s death. How he wishes Morgana would treat him like a brother and not someone she needs to compete with for his father’s affection.

Merlin knows how to soothe Arthur by running his fingers through his hair and massaging his shoulders. He lets Arthur manhandle him in bed when he’s angry, but it’s always with gentle touches. 

Arthur can be a bit dense and oblivious to things. And Arthur can also say the cruelest things, but Merlin can tell when he doesn’t mean them. He can tell when they’re a defense mechanism.

Merlin loves that Arthur isn’t perfect.

Merlin loves Arthur, and he’s not sure if he could ever love another the same way.

-

Merlin settles into university life easily. He seems to get on well with Gilli, both having a love of fantasy films. And he meets practically all of his hall mates within the first week because he kept his door open and hung out in the common room. Merlin is naturally friendly and talkative, so he makes fast friends most of them.

Through the rush of the first two weeks, Merlin barely sees Arthur. Arthur is getting back into the swing of things as well, focusing on his second to last year of schooling, and neither seem to have had much time to meet up. They talk on the phone and Skype at night. They meet up for lunch once during the week and Merlin sleeps over at Arthur’s flat Saturday night, recovering from a hangover he receives from a hall pub outing. 

The schoolwork is a bit difficult, but Merlin muddles through it, receiving As and Bs all the while going out almost every night when he can. Everyone in his hall seems to like him, except for a boy named Cedric who sneers at him every time he walks past, and he is frequently asked to join people when they go out.

University is not a disappointment to Merlin. He attends parties where he mixes his alcohols, but manages to stay upright. He goes to clubs and tries his best to dance. He hangs out at the local pubs and nurses his beers.

But there’s one thing that Merlin’s been missing from those nights. Arthur.

At the parties he wishes he could sneak away and have a quickie with Arthur in the loo.

At the clubs he wants to dance with Arthur and not worry about another guy getting too handsy or hitting on him.

At the pubs he wants to hold Arthur’s hand under the table and slump into his side.

In the beginning, Merlin invited Arthur everywhere. Letting him know what he was doing as to entice Arthur to come along. Merlin’s enquires are met with ‘ _I need to study_ ’ or ‘ _I just don’t feel like it tonight_ ’ and soon Merlin simply stops asking.

He didn’t expect Arthur to join them every time, but maybe once or twice a week so that he could see his boyfriend and meet his new friends. His friends always joke about this elusive boyfriend of his, even though they’ve all seen Arthur’s picture and commented on his looks. It seems disappointing that Arthur never felt the need to meet his new friends even though he met all of Arthur’s during his first year.

-

It’s a rare weekend where Merlin doesn’t have anything planned with his friends, so Merlin makes plans to spend the whole weekend with Arthur. Merlin is surprised with the enthusiasm Arthur displays in the idea and rattles off things they could do to pass the time.

Merlin spends most of the time in Arthur’s flat half naked and in a state of bliss. He’s been used to spending the time Arthur was away at school without sex, but now that they are at the same school, Merlin had expected to have more of it. Somehow those expectations were hardly met; same with the one where he expected to see Arthur at least four times a week, not once or twice for a quick coffee date.

After talking about their mutual friends, Lance, Gwen, Leon, and Elyan, and what they were doing at their respective schools, Merlin asks Arthur about his classes.

“Oh, yeah, that reminds me,” Arthur says after complaining about his ethics teacher. “I’m gonna have to take you back tomorrow morning.”

Merlin frowns at his pasta and shifts on the hardwood dining room chair. “Why? I thought we could grab some lunch at least.”

“Nah,” Arthur shakes his head. “I have an essay to finish and over hundred pages to read by Monday morning. I should have started it yesterday, but…well you know, you came over.”

The words normally wouldn’t make Merlin bat an eyelash, but the way Arthur said the last few words makes Merlin stop. It sounds as though it was a _burden_ for Merlin to spend more than a night at a time at his flat, even though Arthur had practically pleaded for Merlin to move in with him in the first place.

Merlin doesn’t say anything in reply as something heavy settles in his stomach.

-

Arthur and Merlin go home one weekend in the beginning of November.

Merlin is met at the door with a tight hug from Hunith, squeezing the breath out of him. It’s nice being home, sleeping in the same bed he’s had since he was ten and waking up to the smell of his mother’s cooking.

Merlin avoids mentioning Arthur, but Hunith brings him up anyway, so used to talking about the other boy like he is her third son (Will being the second). Merlin lies through his teeth to her, telling her that they were fine, that everything was good and they saw each other all the time. He didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth that they only talked four times that week, twice to talk about plans to go home, and only met up once for dinner that had a stilted conversation.

Merlin didn’t know what was going wrong with their relationship. Sometimes he would try to bring it up to Arthur, but chicken out because he was happy he was seeing and talking to his boyfriend at all. Sometimes Arthur feels like a stranger, even though he still looks, talks, laughs, and fucks the same; he never seemed so distant.

 

**The Fall**

Merlin will never regret meeting Gwaine. Gwaine is a second year and slightly insane, but he has a good heart. But Merlin realizes that becoming fond of the other boy was what ultimately sealed his fate.

-

Merlin first meets Gwaine at a pub the week after seeing his mother again.

Merlin is carrying two pints back to his table of friends when he’s knocked from behind, causing him to tip his beer all along the side of another patron.

The other patron turns out to be a tall (taller than Merlin), muscled man with skull tattoos who stands up slowly and glares down at Merlin.

Merlin’s heart races and he splutters, “I’m sorry. Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh yeah?” the man replies as he reaches out to clutch his hand around the collar of Merlin’s jacket and jerks Merlin closer.

Before Merlin can reply, another voice enters the conversation.

“‘ey, mate, let’em go.”

Both Merlin and the large man turn to where the voice came from. Standing there is a man with long hair that curls at the end and the beginnings of a beard.

“Piss off,” the man spits, “this has nothing to do with you.”

“Well, actually this is my mate here that you’re about to use for a punching bag, so yeah, I think it does have something to do with me,” replies the roguish man with a grin.

The larger man pushes Merlin away with a shove and Merlin stumbles back, almost dropping the glasses in his hands and running into another table.

“Listen, how about I get you a pint and we call it even, alright?”

“How about you buy me a new shirt and then we call it even.”

“Actually I think that’s a good look for you, really brings out the shit color of your hair.”

“You little – ”

The man lunges at Merlin’s savior. The smaller man seems to be ready for the fight because he’s grappling back and holding his own. He pushes and shoves the other guy back as Merlin hurriedly places the glasses on the table behind him and runs forward to get the other guy off his savior.

Merlin manages to get elbowed in the ribs, but it allows the smaller man to get a shot at the other man’s face, causing him to stagger back.

This is where all three of them are promptly torn apart, the large man by his friends and Merlin and the smaller by other patrons. Unfortunately since the larger man is a frequent customer, Merlin and other man are kicked out.

Merlin is still speechless at the events that unfolded when he hears the other man laughing.

“That was great!”

Merlin turns and stares at the man who saved him. He’s handsome, and if there’s anything to go by the form fitted shirt underneath his unzipped jacket, fit. The man’s grin is infectious, and Merlin finds himself smiling and laughing along.

“Can you believe that wanker? Wearing an Ed Hardy shirt and looking like a total twat.”

Merlin laughs some more and shakes his head. The man’s grinning at him and Merlin’s heart starts stuttering in his chest.

“I’m Gwaine by the way,” the man says and holds out a hand to Merlin.

“Merlin,” he replies and shakes his hand.

A second later Merlin’s friends start spilling out of the pub, making sure that Merlin is okay and telling Gwaine how awesome that pub fight was.

As a group they move on. Merlin invites Gwaine along and is pleasantly surprised when the man agrees, sticking to Merlin’s side for the rest of the night.

-

Gwaine is a wakeup call. He says what’s on his mind and isn’t afraid of giving it to you straight. He sleeps around and grins his way through tough situations. He cares wholeheartedly about his friends and knows how to have a good time. Gwaine is everything Merlin wishes he could be and he’s entranced.

Merlin hangs out with Gwaine at least three times a week, usually something that involves drinking, so it’s no surprise to Merlin that they get close. Gwaine flirts and Merlin flirts back, Arthur the furthest thing from his mind when he’s with Gwaine.

Sometimes Merlin feels guilty when Arthur calls and he ignores it because he’s hanging out with Gwaine, but he always calls him back later, even though he knows that Arthur has already gone to bed and picks it up half asleep anyway.

One night when Merlin’s sloshed and feeling a little down with his relationship with Arthur, he spills everything to Gwaine.

“I just don’t get it,” Merlin moans. “I don’t think he wants to spend time with me anymore. It’s all about his future and what his dad thinks. And I get that, but I just want to be wanted. I want…I don’t know what I want, but it’s not this.”

“If it isn’t workin’ out,” Gwaine replies after swallowing the rest of his pint and setting it on the table. “You either break up or fix it. Simple as that.”

Merlin snorts. “What do you know about relationships? You’re a commitment phobe.”

Gwaine shrugs easily. “Maybe you just need to try other blokes. You’ve been with him for what, five years?”

“Six.”

“Fucking shit. Six years. Maybe you’re just being complacent? You know, he’s familiar and safe. Maybe you need something new.”

Merlin bites his lip and thinks about it.

-

In the weeks that follow, after spending more time with Gwaine than Arthur. Merlin begins to stray.

He flirts a bit more and allows for other boys to grab onto him a bit longer than he would before. He allows them to paste themselves against his back and grind against him until they’re hard.

He thinks about going home with them getting fucked by them or dragging them to the dirty loo and getting on his knees for them.

And something that Merlin thinks would have sickened him the year before now seems like a possibility.

-

The car ride home for the holidays is quiet. Again Merlin feels like he’s sitting next to a stranger. He’s never felt so close and yet so far from Arthur before.

Merlin’s changing, he knows he is, but Arthur is the same old Arthur.

-

The holidays are awkward.

Merlin buys Arthur a new coffee machine because Arthur had been complaining the one he has was malfunctioning. And Arthur gets Merlin the first two seasons of _How I Met Your Mother_ because he had always been meaning to watch them.

They spend a few days together, but Arthur is whisked away by his father for a two weeklong vacation and Merlin is left to hang out with Will. Merlin answers Arthur’s texts briskly and focuses more on Gwaine’s which have funny stories about his family members. Arthur calls Merlin a few times during his vacation, but what used to be two hour long conversations now take twenty minutes.

Merlin can’t bring himself to really care.

-

It had been building up to this. All those times Merlin’s missed Arthur’s calls and forgot to call him back. Every time Merlin has turned Arthur down for a meal because he already had plans with his friends that he saw every day anyway.

It hurt to know that Merlin was growing apart from Arthur. Knowing that even though fit together like two puzzle pieces not too long ago, they now were puzzle pieces from two different puzzles trying to force themselves together.

He still loves Arthur with every fiber of his being. He still loves the way Arthur’s nose sometimes moves when he talks or the fact that he has terrible morning breath.

But maybe that love wasn’t enough.

Of course, it didn’t help that Merlin was straying and toeing the line of cheating.

And that was tipping point.

-

“How the _fuck_ is this okay, Merlin?” Arthur yells and points at his computer screen.

Merlin clenches his jaw at the picture. Gwaine has his arm thrown over Merlin’s shoulder and his face tucked against Merlin’s neck, his lips dangerously close to his skin. Merlin was flushed and looking down at the table, a smile fixed upon his lips. Merlin knows what it looks likes, he looks besotted, and Merlin thinks that he might have been at the time. His denials earlier can do nothing to fix what the camera captured.

“It’s bad enough that I barely see you, but having to look through these sickens me and to have my friends see this is fucking embarrassing.”

Arthur clicks to the next picture which isn’t any better. It’s a picture of Merlin grinding his arse against another boy’s crotch and the other boy’s hand grabbing the inside of his thigh. Frankly Merlin looks like a bit of a slut.

“I don’t think you have any say about this,” Merlin grits out.

Arthur gives him a look of disbelief. “Really? You don’t think that I should give a rat-arse when my boyfriend is practically fucking another bloke in a club? Or when his so called new best mate doesn’t look like he’s only a mate?

“How many times have you fucked Gwaine without me knowing? How about at the club? How many fuckers do you go down on your knees for there?”

“I haven’t fucked anyone!” Merlin yells back the anger that had been slowly building throughout the night finally pushes its way forward.

“Please forgive me if I have a hard time believing that.”

“You better fucking believe it. You know I wouldn’t cheat on you. And since when do you care anyway? It’s not like you’ve ever cared when I go out or what I do.”

“Of course I care!”

“No! You don’t! If you did you’d be there with me! I wouldn’t have to dance with other men because you’d be there. I wouldn’t have get hit on at the pub and tell them about my boyfriend who thought it was more important to study for an exam a week ahead of time then spend time with him.”

“I don’t like going out to clubs or pubs. You know that! I don’t drink.”

“I know! But that doesn’t mean you can’t be there.”

“I don’t want to be there!”

“Well I do! So if you don’t want to be there, then that’s fine. But you don’t get any say in what it is I do while I’m there.”

Arthur looks like he’s about punch something, and Merlin is pretty sure it would be him if he could.

“Judging by the pictures it looks like you’d let them fuck you in a heartbeat if you didn’t have a boyfriend,” Arthur says dangerously. “Is that what you’d do?”

When Merlin hesitates to reply Arthur barrels on, “You’ve thought about it haven’t you?”

He steps closer to Merlin.

“You’ve thought about what it’d be like to go home with some random bloke you’ve never met before. You’ve thought about fucking Gwaine and almost every bloke you’ve let touch you like that.”

Merlin can’t reply as his throat tightens because it’s true. It was all so true and now Merlin feels guilty because he can tell that Arthur’s hurt. He can tell that Arthur wasn’t expecting this.

Arthur stops an arm’s length from Merlin and his eyes focus on something past Merlin’s shoulder. “You know, out of all the things that I thought would break us apart,” Arthur says quietly, but his tone firm. “I never thought it would be because of you wanting to be with other people. Not just one, but multiple people.”

Merlin swallows hard and he can feel tears start to form.

Arthur laughs humorlessly and shakes his head. “I can’t believe all this time I’ve been trying to fix something that doesn’t want to be fixed.”

“I do want to fix it,” Merlin whispers.

Arthur shakes his head again. “No…because if you did you would’ve said something a long time ago. And ever since the holidays I’ve been trying to reach out to you, but all you’ve done is push me aside.”

“Arthur, no, I –”

“I think we’re done, Merlin,” Arthur says softly, staring at the ground by Merlin’s feet.

Merlin sucks in a breath as his pulse comes to a stop. Merlin shakes his head furiously. “No, Arthur, we’re not. I’m sorry, I can do better. I promise.”

Merlin’s heart breaks at the sight of Arthur’s eyes watering. “Don’t say that, Merlin. You don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“I do. I do want to be with you.”

“No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t have ever let any of that happen,” Arthur replies harshly as he gestures to the computer screen.

Merlin’s mouth twists as he wraps his arms around himself. “I’m sorry, Arthur. I’m so sorry.”

Arthur breathes in and nods once. “Me too.”

Merlin stands still as Arthur takes a few steps away and sinks into his sofa, leaning forward to hold his head in his hands. It’s quiet for a few seconds and Merlin doesn’t know what to do. He’s never been in this situation before. And he doesn’t want to leave Arthur.

“You can go,” Arthur says quietly from his seat. “ _Please_. I need you to go.”

Merlin’s feet seem to be planted to the ground by weights. It takes all his strength to lift them and move away. He hesitates at the door and slowly pulls it open. He turns back around to see that Arthur hasn’t moved.

“I really am sorry,” Merlin tells him. “I know that it won’t change anything, but I still love you. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Merlin then stumbles out of Arthur’s flat and trips over his feet on his way to the lift. His throat hurts from suppressing the tears that threatened to spill minutes ago. His vision blurs as he stabs at the down button, half hoping Arthur would trail after him, but knowing that it was over.

They were over.

 

**The Void**

His break up with Arthur leaves a large gaping hole in his life and Merlin finds himself listlessly moving from day to day feeling like he is missing a part of himself. Arthur must have told their friends because a month after the break-up he receives a call from Gwen asking him if he is okay or if there is anything she or Lance could do. It’s nice, because they were Arthur’s friends long before they were his.

Merlin tells Will about the break-up once he is able to get his head out of the toilet and get himself to classes on time. Not too long after his mother is calling him which sets off another bout of tears that he can’t seem to hold back.

Gwaine is Merlin’s rock. He lets Merlin cry on his shoulder and curl up with him in bed if he is missing the feeling of another person’s body next to his. Gwaine stops the flirting and the touching, and while it is disheartening at first, Merlin is thankful that Gwaine respects Merlin enough to not try anything while he is still grieving.

Merlin sees Arthur once during this time; he doesn’t look any better than Merlin does. His perfectly combed hair is a mess and his shirt is wrinkled to the point where it looks permanently creased. The fact that Arthur is suffering too doesn’t make Merlin feel any better.

Over time Merlin gets better. He is able to go out with his friends and remember that he doesn’t have to worry about calling someone when he gets back. He can flirt without feeling the guilt.

That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t miss Arthur. He still misses him every day when he opens his wardrobe and sees the jacket Arthur bought him two years ago. Merlin thinks of him whenever he goes to the coffee shop they frequented when they met up.

The gaping hole that was there in the beginning is shrinking in size. It isn’t healed yet, but Merlin knows that one day it will be.

-

The first bloke Merlin goes home with is named Dave. He is smaller than himself with short brown hair and pale freckled skin. The whole time Dave sucks him off, Merlin feels awkward. He is like a virgin all over again, not knowing where to put his hands. He doesn’t know if Dave likes hands in his hair or on his shoulders or even grasping the sheets.

When he finishes and returns the favor, Merlin learns that he prefers less vocal partners who don’t scream in his ear every two seconds.

-

Merlin’s drunk when Anthony comes over to the dorms. Anthony is lithe with dark skin and knows how to quickly open Merlin with clever fingers.

It’s a quick fuck with Merlin on his knees and arms clasping the pillow. Anthony is a little too rough and Merlin panics when the other man lightly places his hand on the bottom of his throat. But Anthony pinches at his nipples and thumbs at the slit of his cock which has Merlin coming on his sheets too soon.

Merlin barely remembers when Anthony finishes, kisses him goodbye, and leaves.

Merlin wakes up feeling dirty.

-

A boy named Mark from the hall below his asks him out on a date. Feeling elated Merlin quickly says yes because Mark is cute and Merlin hasn’t been out on a date in almost half a year.

Gwaine teases him about acting like a girl, but Merlin doesn’t care. Merlin has a chance at starting a new relationship, a relationship that he can make sure works.

They go out to eat at a restaurant in the city and Merlin feels like they get along well. Merlin had only spoken to Mark a few times before, but Merlin knows his friends and they all only have good things to say about him.

After fighting over the bill, which Mark wins, they move to the pub to talk more.

Merlin doesn’t think anything of it when Mark places his hand high on Merlin’s thigh. He doesn’t think anything of it when Mark’s hand slips up his shirt to rub at the skin above his jeans. Merlin only thinks of his intent, and Merlin finds that he doesn’t mind falling into to bed so soon.

“Let’s get out of here yeah?” Mark breathes in Merlin’s ear. Merlin nods, his heart high in his throat.

They grab the bus back to the dorms and they quickly go to Mark’s room because his roommate is gone for the weekend.

Mark strips them both quickly and gets down to business. The foreplay is quick and filled with heavy breathing and moans. Mark lies back against the sheets and tells Merlin to ride him. Merlin preps himself as quickly as he can, feeling miffed that Mark doesn’t want to do it. Feeling someone else’s fingers inside him was always one of Merlin’s favorite parts about sex.

Once he’s ready Merlin sinks down on Mark’s length, definitely smaller than Arthur and Anthony, but thick enough to feel good. Merlin takes it slow in the beginning, rolling his hips every now and then to change the angle. Mark runs his hands over Merlin’s body and calls Merlin a slut and any variation thereof, all of which definitely doesn’t turn Merlin on.

Merlin’s completion was a bit unsatisfying, but the comical look on Mark’s face when he comes almost makes up for it.

Afterward Merlin lies down next to Mark waiting for his legs to stop feeling wobbly.

“So, we should go out again sometime,” Merlin says hesitantly, wondering if it was too soon to say something like that. He has never had to worry about anything like this.

Mark snorts and raises an eyebrow. “Why do we need to go out again?”

Frowning Merlin replies, “I thought you wanted to date me.”

“Not really, no. I just wanted to fuck you,” Mark laughs.

Merlin turns away then, feeling hollow as he stares up at the ceiling.

Mark rolls to him and as he leans in to kiss Merlin’s neck asks, “Ready for round two?”

Merlin flinches away and sits up. Mark tries to pull him back toward him on the bed, but Merlin feels sick. He quickly stands up and begins pulling on his clothes.

“Where’re you going?”

 _God, you’re dumb_ Merlin thinks as he slips on his shoes and holds onto his socks.

“Do you wanna get together again sometime?”

“I don’t fuck boys with small dicks,” is all Merlin says in reply as he opens the door and slams it behind him.

-

“Hello?” Merlin answers the phone hesitantly.

There’s a breath before Merlin hears a voice. “ _Hi_.”

“Hi…I didn’t think…” Merlin pauses and plays with the loose string of his sheets. “I didn’t think you’d ever want to talk to me again.”

Arthur is quiet on the other side. “ _I didn’t want to. Not for a long time. But I miss you, you know? You were my best friend long before any of this ever happened_.”

Merlin nods even though he knows Arthur can’t see it. “Yeah, I know.”

“ _I’m not calling because…I just miss hearing your voice, even if it’s just mindless chatter_.”

“I miss you rolling your eyes at me and calling me an idiot.”

Merlin smiles when he hears Arthur laugh. There’s a break where there’s only breathing on both sides. A familiar pause where Merlin remembers just loving hearing Arthur breathe, feeling like he was right there with him.

“ _I’m not sure if I could manage being around you and not be able to touch you like before, but one day I’d like to be friends again_.”

As much as Merlin would love to see Arthur and be in his company, Merlin knows that this is for the best. This closure and clean break is what’s best for both of them.

“Yeah, I agree.”

-

Summer arrives and Merlin hangs out with Will whenever he isn’t working at the mechanics. He sees Leon once at Starbucks, but he was never particularly close to the boy so he only waves at him before he leaves the shop. He comes across Morgana at the grocery store and the older girl greets him, but doesn’t stick around for conversation. He’s sure he would’ve gotten a talking to if his mother wasn’t around.

Merlin doesn’t meet anyone during the break and he doesn’t go looking either. He’s just happy to spend time with his mother, his uncle, and his best mate. He prepares himself for moving in with Gilli and Gwaine into an off-campus flat, searching online for places for the best deals.

Gwaine visits for a few days and he and Will get along just like Merlin knew they would. Gwaine teaches Will a few tricks for getting into girl’s pants and they all get drunk on the final night before Gwaine leaves.

-

Cenred is someone Merlin never saw himself liking. Gwaine doesn’t like the man, and Merlin doesn’t blame him. The man is older and darker. He favors a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle. He is sweet on Merlin though, treats him like he’s the most precious thing on the planet. Cenred cooks Merlin dinner and takes him to see the ocean. The sex is also pretty fantastic.

Merlin is surprised when he realizes that they’ve been dating for four months now. He didn’t know that he was ever going to make it this far after Arthur and the misunderstanding with Mark.

And just after Merlin thinks that everything is going so well, Merlin finds out that Cenred is cheating on him. Not with one person, but multiple people.

Merlin is a snooper. He’s a nosy fuck who likes to know things. Arthur didn’t mind because he had nothing to hide and Gwaine and Will don’t care because they’re shameless. But Cenred obviously didn’t know that breaking number locks was Merlin’s forte ever since the iPhones were created.

Merlin shifts through the apps while Cenred is using the toilet and sees the standard Angry Birds and Words With Friends. He then clicks to the messages to see who else he texts. What he finds are multiple sexts from multiple other men and women. He even finds pictures sent to Cenred from another man wanking himself off at Cenred’s instruction.

All throughout this Merlin begins to feel numb and more importantly stupid. He was dumb to think that a man like Cenred, who was a car’s salesman for fuck’s sake, would ever be content with a boy like Merlin. Plain old Merlin who prefers vanilla sex to the riding crop and collar Merlin found in Cenred’s room.

When Cenred returns to the living room he stops at the sight of Merlin scrolling through his mobile.

“So who’s Jimmy or Sophie or Chris or Bernie?” Merlin asks slowly.

“Why are you snooping around on my phone?” Cenred replies with narrowed eyes and a sharp tone.

“Just to let you know 4321 isn’t a very safe pass code,” Merlin says instead. “How long have you been fucking them? Is it before you met me or after?”

Cenred moves forward and snatches his mobile back from Merlin’s hands. Merlin freezes and his heartbeat quickens. It would be easy for the older man to strike him if he so wished.

Merlin watches as Cenred flits through his phone. “You know what? It doesn’t really matter,” Merlin says boldly as he stands up from the couch and moves toward the door. “Don’t call me.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Cenred answers snidely.

Merlin clenches his jaw and leaves as fast as he can, feeling like shit.

As soon as he hits the pavement he’s taking out his mobile and calling Gwaine.

 

**The Resolution**

In the months that follow, Merlin has his fair share of hook ups, but he tones down on the partying and one night stands. He finds that hooking up isn’t all what it is cracked up to be in his head. Merlin doesn’t like waking up with sore limbs and an empty bed beside him. He doesn’t like doing a walk of shame or trying to find the best route out of someone’s flat without waking his partner of the night up. He’s tired of hearing cheesy lines and wandering hands.

Merlin learns that he likes commitment. He likes knowing that the person he sleeps with is going to be there in the morning and won’t kick him out the minute they wake up. He likes cuddling on the couch and having long phone conversations about nothing. Merlin likes the intimacy of someone knowing every inch of him, knowing what makes him tick and what makes him weak in the knees.

Merlin knows that these things come with time, but he just can’t seem to find the right person for him. So he goes through his last few years of school mostly unattached. He dates two boys of significance, but finds that they don’t have as much in common as he originally thought and he breaks up with them before it can go any further.

-

Merlin tugs at his tie as the speakers go through their final closing speeches of the graduation ceremony. He has been sitting for a few hours already and his bum is beginning to feel sore. Merlin doesn’t notice the ceremony ending until everyone starts clapping.

The graduates go through the motion of standing up and filing back out of the auditorium. Merlin finds where his family, Will, and Gwaine are sitting and waves at them, smiling brightly from excitement. He has finally graduated university with his history degree. There is another few years of studying before him, but Merlin is thrilled that the first leg is over with.

Merlin meets up with his friends and family outside. Hunith demands pictures of Merlin with everyone. Merlin’s smiles are large, showing off his dimples and causing his eyes to crinkle, forming crescent shapes. Gwaine and Will pull funny faces at the camera and Merlin can’t help but laugh his head off at his friends. Uncle Gaius puts a proud arm around his nephew’s shoulders and tells Merlin how proud of Merlin he is. And Hunith beams at her son as her eyes water and wraps an arm tight around his waist.

So wrapped up with what is going around him, Merlin barely feels Will nudge him until his elbow painfully lodges itself against Merlin breastbone.

“Ow, what the fuck, Will,” Merlin cries as he rubs his chest.

“Language,” Hunith reprimands as she pours over the graduation pamphlet one more time.

Merlin looks at Will who points forward to Merlin’s left. Merlin turns his head and his heart stops.

Arthur is standing a few feet away looking sheepish in his slacks and button up. He smiles faintly when he notices Merlin, and in turn the rest of the group, looking at him.

“Arthur,” Merlin breathes as he walks over to other man.

It has been almost five months since Merlin last saw Arthur. They had run into each other on campus, Arthur was continuing his education at Camelot University and Merlin was surprised that they hadn’t run into each other more often during the years. Their short conversation was friendly and slightly awkward, but they walked away from each other smiling.

Seeing Arthur again felt good. Even though his chest wrenched slightly from the sight of his ex, being in Arthur’s company had always made him happy. Merlin was sure that there was always going to be a place in his heart for the other man. Over time he knew he could possibly fall in love with Arthur again if they were ever to go out again, but there were many conversations that needed to be had in order for everything to work out better than it had before.

“Congratulations,” Arthur says when Merlin plants himself in front of him.

“Thank you,” Merlin replies still a little in shock and awe that Arthur would turn up out of the blue like this. “Sorry, but why’re you here?”

Arthur shrugs. “I wasn’t busy today and I thought I’d show up and support my friend.”

Merlin smiles down at his feet before impulsively moving forward and bringing Arthur into a hug. Merlin can feel Arthur stiffen from the contact but slowly relax as the hug continues.

“Thank you for coming,” Merlin says to Arthur in his ear.

After they pull away, Merlin smiles brilliantly at the blond causing Arthur to smile as well.

Merlin nods towards the small group that is intently watching them. “Come on, mum hasn’t seen you in a while. I know she’s dying to grill you.”

Arthur rolls his eyes good naturedly and follows.

-

_giovanni’s fri at 6?_

Merlin smiles to himself at the text. Giovanni’s is the restaurant he and Arthur had their first date at. Arthur had been so nervous he knocked over his glass of water and it spilled all over Merlin’s lap. Needless to say it made for some interesting stories in the later years.

 **i’ll be there** Merlin replies.

He isn’t sure if it is meant to be a date, but Merlin can deal with it when the time comes. This is his chance to reconcile with Arthur and finally see where their future lies.

And if Merlin happens to fall in love again with the same man who spilled water all over him from nerves, Merlin knows that there are worse things that could happen to him.


End file.
